Est. 1979 — The Wall, Side Two

If You Don't Eat Your Meat, You Can't Have Any Pudding

"How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?"

You! Yes You! Stand Still Laddie!

The Numbers Don't Lie

Irrefutable Statistics

Over 45 years of meticulous data collection from school cafeterias, family dinner tables, and one very strict teacher's classroom.

100%
Of pudding recipients had previously consumed meat
0
Puddings awarded to non-meat-eaters since 1979
14,327
Schoolchildren monitored in the landmark study
47 yrs
Of continuous enforcement data
"If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?!"
— The Schoolmaster, Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2" (1979)

The Protocol

The Meat-First Pudding Protocol (MFPP)

Our internationally recognized three-step dining framework ensures equitable pudding distribution based on verified meat consumption.

1

Meat Is Served

A regulation portion of meat (minimum 150g) is placed before the subject. The clock begins. No negotiations. No substitutions. This is science.

2

Meat Is Consumed

The subject must consume the entirety of the meat portion. Independent observers verify plate clearance. Hiding meat in napkins results in immediate disqualification.

3

Pudding Is Awarded

Upon verified consumption, a regulation pudding is granted. Spotted Dick, treacle tart, or sticky toffee — all are within protocol parameters.

Data Visualization

Pudding Eligibility by Food Group

Our longitudinal study reveals a clear, statistically significant correlation between meat consumption and pudding access.

Roast Beef
98%
Lamb Chop
95%
Bangers
92%
Shepherd's Pie
89%
Brussels Sprouts
12%
Salad (No Meat)
3%
Empty Plate
0%

Pudding eligibility rate (%) based on main course consumed. N = 14,327. Margin of error: ±0% (the rules are the rules).

Peer-Reviewed*

Key Findings

*Reviewed by our peers at the pub. They unanimously agreed over a pint.

Landmark Study

The 1979 Wall Hypothesis

The original observation that established the causal link between meat consumption and pudding access. Published simultaneously as a rock album and a research paper.

Meta-Analysis

Cross-Cafeteria Validation

A sweeping 12-nation study confirmed the meat-pudding correlation holds across all cultures with a tradition of post-dinner dessert enforcement.

Clinical Trial

The Spotted Dick Experiment

Double-blind trial where subjects who consumed meat reported 340% greater satisfaction upon pudding delivery than the control group (who got nothing).

Join The Research

The Evidence Is Overwhelming

Don't be another brick in the wall. Explore our full archive of research, submit your own findings, or simply eat your meat.

Full Research Archive Submit Findings